100%

well dear alexandria, it appears to be your lucky day.

"Who are you?" I asked as I heard this coming from inside my own head,

I have many names, but the one that the messenger calls me is THE QUIETUS, lord of death.

All the sudden I was transported to some kind of white void where a gigantic man made out of black smoke stood before me and looked at me. Despite what I said, I was actually pretty scared and started to cry as he reached for me.

Dear, your wish...
is my command!

95%

I
just
want
this
all
to
end

71%

A lot of people ask me if I'm suicidal. Well, if the posts before this didn't tip you off here is a newsflash, yes. In a way at least because it's not like I actively try to kill myself because I'm such a coward that I'm too fucking cowardly to even try but like if I was walking on a side walk and saw a car speeding towards me, I probably wouldn't move out of the way.

I'd be like, finally.

I'm more passively suicidal than anything.
I don't wish to die by my own hands.

I wish someone would just kill me!

49%

Why do I even have a journal? Does anybody fucking read this? Why the hell do I write at all if nobody reads it, if nobody not even myself enjoys reading about some whiny goth of a teenager who doesn't care about anyone but herself and is just a selfish jerk.

I got myself subway today, it was really satisfying.
Eating gives me a moment of solidarity and peace.

I eat a lot.

33%

Today my mother yelled at me for something. I wasn't really listening what she was mad about, probably something about my school work. See, I've probably skipped more than 25% of my classes this semester, because what's the point?

I don't see the point in spending money and effort in getting through college when in 5 years, it's incredibly likely that I'll just be some loser who hangs at her parent's house living off welfare.

Why does a pathetic loser like me even try?
Why do I even try to live?

12%

I met an old friend of mine today that I now feel no connection to. It would've been awkward if I had any real care for anything anymore. I really want to care. I wish I cared even a little about this person who I spent years of my life with almost everyday after school.

Why don't I care? 

1%

Ever just wish that you could die? Just, you know it's a selfish thing and you probably don't want to experience death but what if you could just go to sleep and not wake up. It would be such a release from the burden of life.

I wish to die.

Everyday.

I just don't want this anymore.